For most, substance use disorders are not simple to treat. While we have come a long way in understanding substance use disorders, addiction often continues to be misunderstood and oversimplified.
It is commonly mistaken for something easily treatable…these mistaken beliefs are hurting the fight we are in. The clients I sit with daily often express their loved ones believe they are choosing to use and could easily just quit if they really wanted to. However, this is a family disease, so it is completely understandable how the pain caused by a loved one’s addiction feels personal. That’s because it is.
My sister recently told me, “It takes people like you to do what you do. To the rest of us, you are fighting a losing battle.” What I think she also believes and trusts is that I genuinely do not believe that. I believe this is a war. It’s a long-fought war, but I do believe there is a way to fight effectively and even win one day.
I have lived on many sides of this disease: daughter, granddaughter, sister, friend, recovery counselor, and now therapist. Each of those roles have exposed me to the many faces and extreme complexity of this disease. As a daughter and granddaughter, at my young age, I believed my loved ones were putting drugs and alcohol above me. I believed they loved it more than they loved me. In adulthood, I understood a little bit more and was able to see that my siblings were caught in a generational curse. I still did not completely understand what this disease really was, though.
When I became a recovery counselor, I decided it was my responsibility to be the subject matter expert about this disease. I knew I couldn’t only come from the perspective of someone who loves someone with this disease. However, I have found the compassion this experience has given me is more helpful than I could ever have imagined.
During this journey to educate myself, I took many classes, attended many seminars, read anything I could find, and most importantly – I listened to my clients. I learned from them. I can never stand in their shoes but when I really listened, I could hear what they were saying. I could empathize. I could imagine what it might be like to be trapped in a disease they couldn’t escape even though they want to.
So, I learned as much as I could. The most important thing I Iearned is that addiction isn’t about substances; it’s about pain.
In his book, In the Realm of the Hungry Ghost: Close Encounters with Addiction, Dr. Gabor Mate writes, “The question is never ‘why the addiction?’ but ‘the question is why the pain?’” This is Dr. Mate’s mantra, and it has become mine. It has become the mantra for us all at Oasis Renewal Center. That is what calls us all here and what keeps us here. We are not interested in asking surface-level questions.
Our clients often talk about how we expect them to show up with shovels and we guide them to where to dig. We help guide, direct, and inspire but we never dig for them. What they learn is that they are capable of digging on their own. They possess their own answers, they just look to us to help them find them. This disease convinces them they are trapped and will never find a way out. In the digging and finding the root, they realize that is the biggest lie they ever believed.
Oasis Renewal Center is a co-occurring treatment center. Our clients don’t spend their days sitting around talking about why drugs and alcohol are bad. They already know that. They spend their days learning about the neuroscience of their disease. The insight of learning what is happening in their brains, how the brain got hijacked, and why it’s so hard to quit, even when they want to, is vital to them learning how to fight their disease.
They learn about growth mindset, the disease process, 12-step programs, and vital life skills such as values setting, character building, resilience, goal setting, boundaries, guilt and shame, self-worth, grief, and willpower, just to name a few. Afterall, long-term sobriety is not about just quitting a substance. It’s about learning to live a life of purpose that does not have room for substance use.
Many of our clients have given us credit for their success, but I don’t believe we deserve the credit. We give the credit back to them. We assist with the directions and provide a safe place to explore, but they do the work. I learned early on, the most effective way to help someone is to meet them where they are, find out where they want to go, and just walk with them on their journey.
The best part of my day is witnessing a client have a breakthrough and I know my colleagues feel the same. Watching the life and hope come back to people who have been suffering for so long is an honor for me. It’s what makes Oasis so special. Aside from the magical environment and amazing food, RCA and Oasis believe in client-centered care. Mental Health and substance abuse treatment are not “one-size fits all.” We are guided by that and work hard to provide individualized care to each person who walks through our doors.
We walk with them, not ahead of them. We are them, and they are us. We are fighting this war together and we know the addiction is only a battle. The war is pain.
Written by Christina Styer, LMSW